No, I’m not riding my bicycle extra fast these days – textbook bipolar mood swings take weeks to swing; right now I’m swinging in days. I haven’t blogged in a few days because I’ve been too depressed to do so. Monday I didn’t get out of bed at all and thought of taking the whole bottles of pills I have in my nightstand but I just didn’t have the energy to do it. I was just dead already. Numb! No energy to move or even feel, not able to feel sad or cry. Just a stone lying in bed.
Today, I woke up at 6 AM and watched the news and listened to my iPhone waiting for everyone else to wake up. Once they did, I climbed in the attic and ran a length of coaxial cable from my outside 40 meter ham antenna to my “ham shack”/office. This required balancing on the beams while bending over then getting on my knees and balancing on them again finding the beams to keep me from crashing through the ceiling. Finally, I had to crawl as the roof came ever closer to the ceiling. I reached where the cable entered the house and then I grabbed it and made my way on the return trip contorting my out of shape body in what was like a hamster’s maze to get the cable where its home would be. This took about an hour and a half…big improvement from lying in bed yesterday.
After that was finished, my wife was working on her homeschool co-op class for tomorrow and needed some sheets printed. The wireless printer kept disconnecting and I had to keep reconnecting it to my laptop and rerunning the setup program between each print. I was generally manic irritable – banging the table and walls, cursing at the printer, throwing paper. I don’t think I was scaring anyone just looking stupid. This took about two hours! Finally, I uninstalled the setup software and restarted my computer before reinstalling it and it seems to be working fine! I took some Seroquel to help me through that.
Then, my wife needed to go to the grocery story (that sounds better than saying going to Walmart) so I said I would go with. I went to the store and help her find everything on the list. That took an hour; still going!
We got home and unloaded the groceries and put them away. Then I had a call with my therapist. I crashed. I told Larry I was exhausted and couldn’t complete the items on my list. He suggested instead of keeping a list where it is daunting to see the list right there with everything instead keep a card with each thing on it and shuffle the cards then just look at one card at a time. If you can’t do that one thing, stick it back in the deck somewhere and do the next thing; but, just concentrate on one thing at a time.
I got off the phone from my appointment and then went out with my chainsaw and cut the limbs that were hanging in the driveway and some dead branches out of the pecan tree! Then my wife needed some more items for her classes tomorrow so back to the store we went. From there Taco Bell. Home, shower, plug in my ham radio with the antenna wire I ran and talked to a guy across the street on it! Not Europe but I know it works. Tomorrow I’ll dial in Europe!
Bedtime…I’m wide awake…it’s 1:40 AM…I’ve taken all my sleep meds but no luck I’m wide awake…I finally got out of bed and came in the living room and am writing this and hoping I will get tired. But I’m manic, I’ve stayed up 48 hours before; hell, I’ve stayed up 72 hours before. It isn’t fun but you get a lot done. I do have things to do tomorrow. I’ll add to this later if I have anything to add but that’s all for now.
Sleep well, friends!