In This Story, I Play the Villain – Growing in Gravel

In This Story, I Play the Villain

We’re all familiar with the wicked step mothers portrayed in
movies. It’s a known fact that the villain will usually be the step mom. It’s
funny to me now, but in the beginning of my 
blended family journey it kind of sucked. You see, I felt completely
alone. There weren’t many people who understood blended family dynamics and
getting told over and over that I knew what I was getting into, or to stay in
my lane because I was JUST the step mom got really old really quickly. I
focused on my family, the people I love and who I am instead of the outside. I focused
on the things I can control and on creating beautiful memories with my family.
My focus couldn’t be on the outsiders opinions. My happiness depended on
knowing I can only control so much and I should focus on that.

We are growing as a family in amazing and beautiful ways. We
all still hit bumps and we all have rough days where we owe an apology or two.
In this messy beautiful life there are a few things I have come to accept as
fact:

I will always be the bad guy and villain in someone else’s
story.

There will always be a group of people, people whom I love,
who will never get it, and that’s ok!

I control my own happiness!

Let’s talk about how I will always be the villain to some.
It will NEVER matter to some people how pure my motives may actually be. It will
never matter where my heart is. It will never matter that I give credit where
credit is due, or take the higher road, or encourage positive co parenting and
parent child relationships with my step child and husband. None of that will
ever matter.. because for some in my story.. I am the easiest to blame. You
know what, that’s ok! There are days it still stings to be told how I am second
class citizen and my efforts don’t matter, but ultimately, that opinion doesn’t
matter! It takes a lot of focusing on wat truly matters, gratitude and
intentional living to remember this when life gets mucky. But I get to write my
own story. I get to choose if I am in fact the villain to my family. I get to
choose my actions and there are some opinions that just shouldn’t matter. That
doesn’t mean that they don’t create stress in our household, but we choose how
we react to that stress. That’s where the power lies. We get to control our
reaction, our happiness.

Some people won’t ever understand the stress, the
frustration or the pain that someone living in a blended family deals with. And
that’s ok too! Be grateful they don’t get it! That is one less family dealing
with brokenness and trauma. That in itself is beautiful. It’s important to just
remember, that not “getting it’ doesn’t meant they don’t care. It may just mean
that when seeking wise advice, you may need to seek elsewhere.

My biggest lesson that I have learned these past 8.5 years
is that I am in control of my future, my happiness and my family’s memories
together. We may not have the control of our decisions the way we would if
there wasn’t another family in the picture, but it’s such a small portion of
our story!

NinjaMom

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