How come all my crushes like my friends better than me?

Be your own girl

No matter how self-confident you are self-esteem can take a hit when other people consistently get all the attention. This is especially hard when you’ve got a serious crush on someone who’s into your friend. If this happens a lot you might start to wonder, “What’s wrong with me?”

Been there? You’re not alone. Read on…

Hey Terra,

Whenever I get a crush on a guy he decides to have feelings for one of my friends. I don’t mean to brag, but I am smart, outgoing, and honest with people. I’m not hideous either. I love my friends, but they are all boring, go-with-the-flow kinda people. Some of them are not very smart and they are obsessed with drama and personal issues. I am truly different. My family is European. I speak several languages. I care about music.

Last night I was with my friend and I met a guy and we all hung out. I never met a guy like him. He is European as well as bilingual and very attractive. We talked about music and we have the exact same tastes, which not everyone here has. He is very special, but I definitely got the feeling that he was into my friend and she wasn’t even talking to him. She was basically asleep on the couch! Why does this keep happening? – Going Crazy

Dear Going Crazy,

You make a mistake when you assume there is something “wrong” with you because a guy doesn’t appreciate you. There is nothing wrong with you. In fact there is so much that’s right with you it’s very impressive. I think you know it, but sometimes you forget.

I understand how frustrating and confusing it is to have guys you’re crushing on consistently fall for your friends. But if your gifts don’t impress a guy, then he is just not the guy for you. Plain and simple.

You say the guy from last night was “special.” I don’t doubt it, but he’s not the kind of “special” you’re looking for. In addition to being special in his own right, the guy you want has to see how special you are! If you don’t feel appreciated, don’t waste your time pursuing him or moping around.

I’m not saying being in love and part of a couple isn’t wonderful. It is. But don’t fall into the same trap as so many teen girls by believing that having a boyfriend is everything. That is such a cliché and not even close to the truth. You’ve got way more important goals to achieve than becoming “someone’s girlfriend.” You’re smart. Be smart about this.

The right guy is out there and the two of you will meet up some day. You’ll know he’s the right guy because he will:

a) be emotionally available
b) be ready for a relationship
c) want to be with you as much as you want to be with him
d) share your values
e) respect and appreciate your personality and accomplishments as much as you appreciate and respect his.

It will happen when it happens. You can’t affect love’s time table and stressing about it is not helpful. In the meantime, live your life. Celebrate your intelligence, your youth, your health, your talent. You’ve got more than enough of what you need to get you anywhere you want to go.

In friendship,


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