Dads!  Your Daughter Needs To Hear These 6 Assurances From You

Words are powerful. A parent’s words to their child are especially powerful.

When asked, daughters said these 6 assurances are what they need to hear from their dads.

Fathers, listen up.

Having raised both a son and a daughter I can tell you – the father-daughter relationship is unique. As with most males and females, boys tend to be oriented towards the physical, and girls toward the emotional.

In my experience daughters value feelings and emotions over physical activity like roughhousing and racing bikes. Yes, there are exceptions to this generalization. And more physically oriented daughters need to be supported and encouraged in their preferences.

The fact remains, daughters tend to be more emotionally focused and their relationship with their dads plays a key role in their mental/emotional development.

A father’s influence in his daughter’s life helps shape her confidence, self-image, and self-esteem.

Perhaps the greatest way this influence occurs is through the comments and messages a dad verbally speaks to his daughter. Fathers – your WORDS are the key to your positive influence on your daughter.

Recent research from The National Center for Fathering identifies the most important messages daughters need to hear from their fathers. [1] And they need to hear these messages on a regular basis.

Your Daughter Needs To Hear These Assurances From You!

1. You are beautiful

We live in a body-shaming culture that places great pressure on women to have a certain physical look. Girls who don’t meet this standard are given the unspoken (and even spoken) message, “You do not measure up”. This is a total lie.

Maybe no person can do more to reassure his daughter she is acceptable and lovable than a father. Having the main man in her life assure her she is beautiful will speak much louder than the superficial voices of our lost culture.

2. I will always be here for you.

This statement assures a daughter that she is a priority to her dad. While she may be independent and capable your comment assures her of your commitment and loyalty to her.

No matter how far the two of you may be separated she will know your commitment is unwavering. When she does need your presence she will have full confidence that you are willing to move heaven and earth to be with her. This is a true expression of love.

3. You can talk to me about anything.

This message assures your daughter there are no closed doors to your relationship. Because you love her you will gladly listen to her and be open to her struggles and failures.

This assurance also carries the implied promise that you will not reject her based on any failure in her life. She can bring any struggle or failure to you and you will be open to receiving her in whatever situation she might find herself.

4. I like spending time with you.

This comment communicates that you enjoy your daughter as a person and find value in your time spent with her. To enjoy spending time with another person means this person is important to you and you benefit personally from the relationship. This allows your daughter to feel that she is able to give you something back of value – herself.

5. I am so very proud of who you are.

Want to make your daughter feel good about herself? This comment will do it. Notice, you are proud NOT because of something she DID, but because of who she IS as a person. This is the better message. I

If you focus on your child’s accomplishments you send the unhealthy message that “your value in my eyes is determined by what you achieve, not by who you are.

This is a lie. Don’t believe it. This can be a difficult point to grasp for men and dads. Our culture is an accomplishment-based culture. The greater your accomplishments the more you are considered worthy in society’s eyes.

Dads – don’t do this to your daughter(s)!! You love, value, and accept your daughter because she is YOUR DAUGHTER. No other reason needed. She is ‘good enough’ JUST AS SHE IS.

6. I love you.

Hands down – the 3 most powerful relationship words in the universe. Like every human, your daughter has a built-in need to know she is loved. And she needs to hear you speak these words regularly.

Children who grow up feeling unloved are often emotionally destroyed from the inside out. It may be the worst form of abuse a child can suffer because it harms them at the very core of their self-esteem.

I have husbands and dads tell me, “I’m not an emotional kind of guy and telling my kids I love them makes me uncomfortable”.

My response, “Quit being selfish. Your lack of comfort is not within a million miles of being more important than you telling and reassuring your kids that you love them.

Tell them, and tell them often. You are making them a better person and assuring them of a better life by doing so. There is a ton of scientific research that proves this.

Christianly Speaking

1. Daughter, You are beautiful

God created your daughter in His image. The Bible says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27, ESV)

All the wonderful qualities of God are reflected in your daughter. As a dad, you can help reinforce and strengthen these qualities in the messages you send to her. This very much includes the messages/assurances we are discussing in this article.

2. I will always be here for you.

God has promised to never forsake us. Through His Son, Jesus, God continues to take care of us and meet out needs. The Bible promises, “for God himself has said, “I will never leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5).

No matter how far away we may be separated our daughters deserve to know we will honor this promise to them, as their dad.

3. You can talk to me about anything.

Through our relationship with Christ we can approach God about anything. This includes our struggles and failures.

The Bible says, “Turn all your anxiety over to God because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7, GW)

Because we are God’s children we can approach God with our struggles with full confidence. This means that whenever we are in need, we can bring our cares to God with confident assurance that HE will listen to us.

The Bible says, “So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” (Hebrews 4:16, NLT)

In the same way, our daughters need to have no fear of coming to us with their problems.

4. I like spending time with you.

God loves humans. He wants every person to be saved. The ultimate purpose of our relationship with God is to spend eternity with Him in Heaven.

The Bible says in John 3:16:

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one… For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

As dads, we, too, need to be willing to make sacrifices to spend time with our daughters. The day will come when they move away and things will change forever.

5. I am so very proud of who you are.

Once we are born again God is very pleased with us. So pleased, that He adopts us as His own spiritual sons and daughters. “God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.” (Ephesians 1:5, NLT)

The Bible says God rejoices over His children. “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness.” (Zephaniah 3:17, ESV)

Just as your daughter is your child, as Christians, God is our heavenly Father. Just as God rejoices over us because we are His child, we should rejoice over our daughter, because she is our child.

6. I love you.

Not only does God love us, He proved it beyond a doubt.

As we saw earlier, the Bible says, “God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son so that whoever believes in him may not be lost, but have eternal life.” (John 3:16, NCV).

In like manner, dads should express our love and be willing to back that love up with action.

The Bottom Line

Our daughters are a special gift to us, as dads. They have emotional needs and assurances that only a father can give.

As dads, we have been given a unique and special opportunity to be a positive influence in our daughter’s life – an opportunity that will go a long way in helping them become emotionally healthy and happy wives and spouses themselves someday.

As the father of an adult young women I can assure you – the years will pass by in the blink of an eye.

So PLEASE dads, Make the Very Most of This Opportunity.

For the Family

— dr. bill



Dr. Bill Walker

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