Be Still – Growing in Gravel

Being Still… that is not something I am good at. Sitting still and just letting things happen. It’s like my worst nightmare. It’s also something that I am realizing is crucial to living a full and healthy life. Especially life in a blended family. I can’t tell you how many times I imagine scenarios or day dream about the way things should be… but I can’t control other people’s actions or their perceptions. I can’t make them want the things I want. I can’t do anything but control my own reactions and reality for myself.
Being still… it’s crucial. It’s something that checks my spirit, slows my responses and reminds me of you what’s important. When you get that nasty text… be still. When the kids are overwhelming.. be still.
I was bathing my youngest after a stressful day (week if I’m honest), and I was nearly in tears thinking of how I didn’t choose to be still today. My moods affect my children and they certainly notice when it’s off. For my biological children, it probably doesn’t phase them much. This is their home, I’m their mom, there is no confusion or fear even when mom is grumpy. But then I think about my teen. She 100% belongs, this is her home too… but does she feel it when I’m spewing negative vibes? Have I made it difficult for her to exist in her home? Bc here’s the truth.. she didn’t ask for me to move in and start popping out babies. She was probably happy as a clam just her and dad. She’s been so so accepting and loving, busy she didn’t ask for any of this. So.. when I am not slow in my reactions, when I forget to be still.. am I creating a place where she feels out of place. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I say bad things or treat any of my kids badly when I’m grumpy but you know when mamma ain’t happy.. everyone feels it.
it may seem so small, so insignificant, but choosing to be still and remember what’s important helps the stress fade and helps me remember that what’s in front of me is worth more than gold. Joy is a choice. And one that often needs to be chosen every day in a blended family!